Dear Friends

I am so sorry that some you loved was hurt in that way. I’m sorry she’s not the same as she was. I am sorry you now are going to have to watch her morph into someone you have never met before and might lead you to thoughts of abandoning her because this is not something you signed up for. I am sorry you are going to be helpless as she struggles to pick up the pieces and I am sorry that you will witness her spiral out of control more than once.

To God, I am so sorry one of your children has tortured their sisters and brothers, forgive him, he knows not what he’s done.

To her family, most of the words are a little too tragic, suffice it to say I am so sorry for your loss and she is not gone, and your love inspires the suffering, you have kept her from disappearing.

To her closest friends I am so sorry you lost your friend for the past little while. That girl you could count on, who was innocent and fun loving and would do anything for you and never took herself too seriously… and I am sorry she was replaced, if even for a short time, by a heartbroken entity with a cheerless expression. Who is reckless, and sometimes mean, who is mad at you for no reason, and accuses you of not understanding. Who is paranoid and scared. 

To the men who have courageously attempted to hold her hand and be with her. I am sorry she will struggle to trust you, I am sorry she will question your actions and shut you out while simultaneously clinging to you because for a moment she trusted you and that was an emotion that reminded her of when she was whole. It is not fair when you like a girl because you catch glimpses of her potential and her true self and you can’t wait to be with her, and then you find out that person you saw was only a memory of girl who use to be. I am sorry she will question herself with you, and then won’t be able to handle the self blame so inevitably she will blame you and then it won’t work out and you will just have to see her in passing months later, and you will still see the weight of her chains on her shoulders but you will be angry at her because she shut you out and was cold. Maybe when she’s able to trust again you can get coffee?

To anyone who has shared a bed or a room with her since then. I am sorry you had sleepless nights because her nightmares were loud, and scared you. I am sorry she kicked and screamed and clawed and I am sorry she woke up crying. It is not your fault she has those nightmares… it’s just too bad you have to deal with them. I am absolutely sure she was happy you were there because waking up alone during a nightmare crying to her-self is really really hard. 

On a brighter note, she will come back! I know she misses you, she misses herself… some days her heart gets so full and warm and she just wants to be around you, and be happy and be herself… her real self, on those days she cries because she is so thankful. She’s beginning to notice things that she hasn’t for awhile, Colors are brighter, she’s actually learning again… it has been years since she’s been interested in learning something. She is able to give support. It is incredible, really. It was not too long ago that she was bankrupt of her supply of feelings of sympathy or empathy… it was truly hard for her to see pain in the world, because her whole person was full of pain there was no room for any more pain. But now she’s actually healing… whole parts of her are healed! 

Of course there are still hard days, there are still pieces of her that are damaged and jaded, but she so thankful for you. 

She’s discovered she’s not alone in her suffering and in her fight; there are women around her who do understand. There are people who will fight for her… Just for her. Their strength is her inspiration and her strength is their motivation and it goes on. All together, they are force to be reckoned with… they cannot prevent bad things from ever happening to her or each other again, but they will claim with confidence and certainty that not a single one of them will ever feel that alone ever again… She is not alone. 

In closing, she’s like to remind you that you are with her Dear friends, yes even you who reads this and questions your part in her story; she has been thankful for you and has considered your actions, perhaps even more than you have. You give her strength Dear Friends, yes even you who knows your support has failed at times, who could not find the right words to say, an has even doubted her. You’re words, you’re actions, you’re embraces, and you’re absences. Remember that. You are with her. 

With love and respect, 

Your friend

An Irish Prayer:

May you see God's light on the path ahead
When the road you walk is dark.
May you always hear,
Even in your hour of sorrow,
The gentle singing of the lark.
When times are hard may hardness
Never turn your heart to stone,
May you always remember
when the shadows fall—
You do not walk alone.